- Think about ways you enjoy yourself. Put effort into making life pleasurable and satisfying. Arrange to be in situations which are playful and make you laugh.
- Learn something new. Maybe something you have always wanted to try, even something you never thought you could do. If you are stuck for ideas look on notice boards and in local publications, observe or ask other people, think about what you have enjoyed in the past.
Look after yourself physically
- Eating regularly, thinking about the sort of food you eat, and making sure you try to get the amount of sleep you need.
- Exercise and toning muscles can give confidence and help you to feel good about your body. Pay attention to how you stand and walk. Think tall.
- Pay more attention to your appearance. Pamper yourself. Choose a new hairstyle or colour in clothing. Buy a magazine which gives advice on personal presentation.
Use rewards, but avoid punishments
- Reward yourself in other ways. What about giving yourself one day off from work a week? Buy yourself a little treat. Do something you particularly enjoy but don't often get round to.
- We do not like other people saying nasty things about us so why say them to yourself? Listen to how you treat yourself - the internal conversation. Low self-esteem makes it difficult to identify strong points but it does not mean you do not have them - only that they are unfamiliar to you.
- Avoid as much as possible situations and people that leave you feeling bad about yourself and spend more time concentrating on experiences which are likely to be successful and rewarding.
Cultivate good relationships - with yourself and others
- Can you bear to be ordinary? Are you continually expecting more of yourself than you do of others? If you accept the troubles, mistakes and variability of other people, how about being happy with "good enough" in relation to yourself?
- Involve others. Ask for support, feed-back, affection. Be prepared to say you don't know. Talk about yourself. Do not pretend or hide. Take care not to push other people away through being negative about yourself.
- Join in with others. Do not assume you are not important; other people have an effect on you and you affect them. Most people are interested in making new friends, and friendships can begin at any time in life. Say hello; do not wait for other people to come to you. Smile. Be nice to others, volunteer, be helpful, pay compliments.
Take responsibility
It is no good waiting for others or circumstances to leave us feeling better about ourselves. So accept responsibility for your own actions: as we cannot make other people change, we need to make the changes ourselves. If you get stuck or find it impossible to know where to start with these suggestions, maybe you can talk it through with a friend or family member, or someone else you trust. Some of the other leaflets in this series, or the self-help books listed on the Counselling Service website (www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/booklist.html), or materials in our Resources Room may be useful. You are also welcome to talk this over with one of our counsellors.(published with permission in writing from:http://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk)
