The true mid-life crisis
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This often falls earlier than the andropause, maybe in the fourth decade. Typically, it occurs in response to some outside challenge in a man’s life: a breakdown of the marriage, career failure, bankruptcy, death of a peer or loved parent, redundancy and so on. Essentially, it is an emotional crisis and not a hormonal one. Deep introspection often results in the feeling that life is passing by and precious years have been wasted with so little achieved. Dreams that were once so important seem to have faded or gone forever beyond reach. It can be a time of great anguish, despair, inadequacy and feelings of guilt or futility.Whereas anyone, sooner or later, will experience a shut down of hormones, the man who suffers the mid-life crisis is typically one who has been challenged and cannot come to terms with his life. There has been a shock which brings him face to face with self and he doesn’t like what he sees. In trying to rationalize the unhappy feelings he may begin to see his life partner in negative terms or blame his bosses and work dissatisfaction. Therefore he seeks change: a new partner (times of infidelity and experiment), a new career, new home territory and so on.
Unfortunately, alcohol and drugs are often seen as the answer. They shut out the pain temporarily but of course solve nothing. This may be the start of a slippery slope to abuse, addiction and early demise.
Far from the libido shut down characteristic of the andropause, a man in a mid-life crisis wants to boast of sexual prowess and seeks new thrills and adventure. This is the man likely to start buying younger generation fashion clothes and run off with a tart or have an affair with his secretary in her twenties. But it is a kind of denial, an admission that things are not as they were, underscored by a great desire to prove everything is OK, “No problem!”
The andropause man lacks any energy or drive and cannot be bothered with sex or adventure. For him, it already is too late (he thinks).
What lies beyond
One can gain a deeper insight by looking far beyond the moment of crisis.The mid-life crisis is a kind of rite of passage. It comes to an end eventually and good may come of it. A marriage may not always be wrecked but may be strengthened and renewed by surviving the threat. A great deal depends on the response of the life partner in this time of upheaval and change.
A man may be renewed through suffering, discover a vision for the future and come home once again to feelings of family and love. He can learn something of great value, about himself, about others, about the deeper nature of life. If the trigger was a financial collapse, he may recover the determination to work hard and rebuild his empire. In this way, some men will go forward and meet the challenge.
Sadly, many do not do so but give in to what they see as an overwhelming tide of misfortune. Alcohol or drug addiction takes a lasting grip. These individuals rapidly advance into the inertia of age and decrepitude. For them, the mid-life crisis was a disaster from which they do not recover.
