the Future After the initial shock most people begin, albeit slowly, to adjust to living without the person who has died. The time it takes to adjust is different for each person. The change is usually gradual, but over time you will feel less and less overwhelmed and preoccupied by the loss. To begin with you may think about what happened and about the person who has died almost constantly, but in time you will begin to 'forget' - at first just for a few minutes, then for hours and eventually for days at a time. This is not a betrayal and it does not mean that you love them any less. It is perfectly natural to not think about someone - we do it all the time with our living friends and family. People, living or dead, do not cease to exist for you when you stop thinking about them. You will always have your memories and the times you spent with them. Nothing can take that away from you.

In time you will be able to give your attention and emotions to others and begin to get on with the rest of your life. The goal of the grieving process is to learn to live with loss. As you grieve, life will slowly begin to feel meaningful and enjoyable once more. There will be times, though, when you are taken by surprise - a piece of music or a place may remind you of the person who has died and you will find yourself flooded by grief all over again. This, too, will lessen in time. Special days or anniversaries, especially the first one or two after the death, can be difficult. Some people find it helpful to plan for these anniversaries and to mark them in some quite personal way. You will probably be changed by the experience of grieving. You might find yourself reassessing your priorities, values, beliefs, hopes, aspirations, friendships. You could also find that you are:

When to seek additional help

If you are alarmed by your physical symptoms or if they persist - consult a college nurse or your GP. If your work is affected speak to your tutor or your director of studies or to your manager or Personnel. You need them to be understanding at a time like this. It is quite possible that you won't be capable of working effectively for a time following a bereavement. It may be possible to shift deadlines or to lighten your workload in other ways for a while. If sleep disturbance persists, if your appetite or interests don't begin to return to normal, speak to a college nurse, your GP or see a counsellor. You may have become depressed and they can help. If you feel overwhelmed by your feelings, particularly if you continue to feel hopeless and despairing and especially if you start to feel suicidal - contact the counselling service. An appointment can be made for you to see a counsellor quickly. Talking to a counsellor can help you find your way through the painful and otherwise lonely process of grieving. All our counsellors are aware of the issues involved in bereavement and mourning and have considerable experience in this field.
(published with permission in writing from:http://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk)




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