Coping with grief

Most of us have within ourselves greater reserves of strength than we are aware of. Mostly we don't need to call upon them, but when we are grieving we do. There may be times when you feel that it is all too much and that you can't cope - but with the help of friends and these inner resources you will.

The following can also help

Ask for help. It's not always easy and it takes courage. Start by accepting that you need help. Ask someone you feel you can trust - a friend, a tutor, a college nurse or chaplain, a parent. It may make sense to seek counselling - many people get help following a bereavement.
Talk about it - "get it off your chest". It brings relief and helps you clarify and understand what has been going round and round in your head. It also helps counteract feelings of isolation. Again choose someone you feel you can trust. Even talk to a favourite pet. And, if you are a believer, talk to God.
Express yourself in some other way. If you don't feel like talking, see whether you can write about your feelings and experience. Choose a form you feel comfortable with - a diary, letter, prose, poetry, song... If you can't find the words to describe what you're feeling try "speaking" about your experience through dance, song, painting, clay modelling... Let shape, form, texture, colour, rhythm be your words.
Keep some mementos - some photos or jewellery, a piece of clothing, anything that helps you to remember the person who has died. Remembering can be painful to begin with, but over time painful memories will be replaced by ones that can give you pleasure and comfort.
Get some exercise. This might be the last thing you feel like doing, but it will help. Exercise uses up excess energy and it's also a way of expressing some of the frustration and aggression you might be feeling.
Listen to music. Many people find music has the power to get through to us in a way that nothing else can. Choose music to suit your mood. At other times you may need to take your mind off the bereavement. Use music to help you escape for a time.
Take good care of yourself. You may feel you can't be bothered or that there's no point, but it will help. Eat well, bath or shower regularly and get the sleep and rest that you need. Some people attempt to block out their feelings using alcohol or drugs - but these only bring short-term relief and merely serve to postpone the process of grieving.
Trust yourself. Within reason, follow your feelings and reactions. If you want to be alone, or to go out and be with people, then do that. Remind yourself as often as you need to that 'it is normal to feel the way I do' following a bereavement. Acceptance allows your feelings to be expressed and understood - an important part of the healing process.
Go easy on yourself. Don't expect too much of yourself too soon - grieving takes time. Take each moment or hour as it comes. Concentrate on living through the present and don't worry too much about tomorrow or next week. Give yourself credit for surviving each day.