What we need to learn about Pain

Pain is not the cause of our suffering.
Pain is an opportunity to learn, to grow.
When a child burns it’s hand on a hot stove, it is in terrible pain. We rally around to soothe the pain and to comfort the child, but we do not blame the stove for being hot or for being in the wrong place. The child learns from this pain that increasing heat can lead to hurt and pain.
As we grow into "sensible and intelligent" adults we respond differently to pain. We look at pain as something alien that has been done to us. The pain is caused by - and therefore the responsibility lies with - this horrible disease, the environmental pollution, the unfair working conditions, the weather, the food, the boss, one’s mother, the dog, dust mite, the mattress, the shoes, the pea in the bed. Pain is only considered to be a negative experience; there is nothing to be gained from it; it is a total and utter waste of time. Take it away. Do it now!

So, dealing with pain can be divided into two categories. One is the perceived outside cause of the pain needs to be removed; or two, where this seems impossible, one aims to take the pain itself away. From a personal point of view, the only role the individual plays in this drama is the one of the victim. Either it is up to someone else to remove my pain, or whoever or whatever has caused my pain should go away. It is this belief itself which is responsible for much of our recurrent and increasing pain. The simple reason being that if we do not learn, we will be confronted with similar problems over and over again. We will continue to burn our hand, if we belief that it is up to the hot stove to go away.

What is it that we need to learn?

The common denominator in all one’s pains is oneself. The circumstances may change, the people may be different, the environment in which one meets pain may be different; the excuses are different every time. We are the only constant feature in a lifetime of pain episodes. Why is it so difficult for us, "sensible and intelligent" adults to understand that it is up to him/her to avoid that particular gesture and to take note of the increasing temperature whilst approaching a hot object? The result is that the child does not get burned again, but the adult keeps on hurting himself.
Looking at one’s own part in this pain play is not really about blaming oneself. It should be about understanding and comprehension. If the reason for one’s pain lies within oneself then that means first of all that one is equipped with a learning device which is totally under one’s own control. Secondly, it gives one the opportunity of free choice and therefore of control over one’s life. Deciding that read more