The Scapegoat
The ‘scapegoat’ role is often adopted by the second oldest child. The scapegoat can be viewed as the alter ego of the family hero. This child does very little right and is quite rebellious, perhaps even antisocial. Scapegoats may be involved in fights, theft, or other trouble at school or in the community; they are often labelled ‘juvenile delinquents.’ Male scapegoats may be violent, while female scapegoats may express themselves by running away or engaging in promiscuous sexual activity. Scapegoats of both genders most often abuse alcohol and drugs themselves.A child in the scapegoat role seem to identify with the chemically dependent parent, not only in terms of substance abuse but in other ways as well (e.g., attitude toward authority, attitude toward the opposite sex, vocational interests, etc.). The scapegoat typically feels inferior to the family hero; still, the two of them are usually very close emotionally, despite the differences in their behaviour. This special bond may continue throughout adulthood.
This child is referred to as the ‘scapegoat’ because he/she is the object of the chemically dependent parent’s misdirected frustration and rage. The child may be abused both emotionally and physically by this parent. This is especially true when the chemically dependent parent is the father and the scapegoat his son. In effect, the scapegoat becomes, in common parlance, ‘his father’s son.’ That is, the son, filled with his father’s anger and rage, adopts his father’s self-destructive and antisocial tendencies. He models himself after his father despite hating him.
The scapegoat expresses the family’s frustration and anger. The child in this role maintains family balance by directing some of the blame from the chemically dependent parent to himself/herself. This allows the chemically dependent parent to blame someone else for his/her own drinking and drugging. It also shields the chemically dependent parent from some of the blame and resentment that would have been directed at him/her; this process of diversion allows the addiction to progress further.
The Lost Child
Even in functional families, the middle children are thought to get less attention than their siblings, and seem less certain of their contribution to the family. This tendency is exacerbated in chemically dependent families. The ‘lost child’ may be a middle child but may also be the youngest. The chief characteristic of the lost child is seeking to avoid conflict at all costs. Such children tend to feel powerless and are described as ‘very quiet,’ ‘emotionally disturbed,’ ‘depressed,’ ‘isolated,’ ‘withdrawn,’ and so on. These children tend to be forgotten, as they are very shy. They are followers, not leaders. They engage in much fantasy. If they stand out in school in any way, it is by virtue of poor attendance. If asked to do something they fear doing, they may pretend not to have heard the instructions or claim not to understand them. These behaviours point to a great deal of insecurity.According to Deutsch, the lost child is probably the most difficult child in a dysfunctional family to help. He/she may not have close friends or other systems outside the family for emotional support. Also, the child’s behaviour is usually not disruptive in school; hence, teachers and counsellors do not identify him/her as needy.
As adults, lost children exhibit a variety of mental health problems. They may complain of anxiety and/or depression and obtain psychotherapy. They have difficulty with developmental transitions because they fear taking risks. Thus, they may put off making decisions about careers or where to live. They may also back out of intimate relationships once someone starts to get too close. According to Deutsch, lost children may or may not abuse alcohol and drugs. If they do, their drug of choice is usually different from that used by their chemically dependent parents.
The lost child helps maintain balance in the family by simply disappearing - that is, by not requiring any attention. In essence, the youngster in this role supports the family equilibrium by causing no new problems and requiring minimal attention. In the extreme, the lost child will think, ‘If I killed myself, Mom and Dad would have one less thing to worry about’.
The Mascot
The last commonly described role is that of the ‘mascot.’ This role is also referred to as the ‘family clown,’ or simply the ‘clown.’ The youngest child in the family often adopts the role of the mascot. Everyone in the family likes the mascot and is comfortable with having him/her around. The family usually views the mascot as the most fragile and vulnerable; thus, he/she tends to be the object of protection. Deutsch notes that even the chemically dependent parent treats the mascot with kindness most of the time.Mascots often act silly and make jokes, even at their own expense. The clownish behaviour acts as a defence against feelings of anxiety and inadequacy. They often have a dire need for approval from others. As adults, they are very likeable but appear anxious. Deutsch believes that they may self-medicate with alcohol and/or tranquillizers.
The child in the mascot role helps maintain family homeostasis by bringing laughter and fun into the home. By ‘clowning around’ and making jokes, he/she brightens the family atmosphere, becoming a counter-balance against the tension that is so prevalent and oppressive in dysfunctional families. The mascot may be the one family member that no one has a complaint about.
(published with permission in writing from:http://addiction.ie)
