Family roles in alcoholic homes

The chemically dependent family has been described as a closed social system.
The family tends to isolate itself, its boundaries are rigid, and outside influences are not allowed to penetrate. This kind of closed, rigid system fosters tension. The tension is managed, in part, by each family member’s adopting a specific, predictable role. The roles serve to divert attention away from the alcoholic/addict, or to reduce the family tension in total.
Family theory writers have created a variety of schemes for classifying the types of role behaviour in the chemically dependent family.
In the discussion below, one of the major classification schemes is presented. It includes the following:

The chemically dependent person.
The chief enabler.
The family hero.
The scapegoat.
The lost child.
The mascot.

In this scheme, the family is assumed to be a nuclear one, with two parents and four or more children. Also, because one of the parents is assumed to be chemically dependent, the scheme emphasises the adaptive roles of the children in the family. Furthermore, it should be noted that while some chemically dependent families have members who clearly fall into a specific role, other families will have members who exhibit characteristics of more than one role; others will have members who shift from role to role as time passes; and in the life of some families certain roles will never appear. Thus, the roles are probably too ‘neat’ for most chemically dependent families. However, for sake of discussion, each one is presented in its stereotypical form.

The Chemically Dependent Person

Within a family systems perspective, the chemically dependent member is not diseased but is playing a role, which is to act irresponsibly. This role has a homeostatic function. Typically, it serves to suppress more basic marital conflict, or to divert attention away from more threatening family issues.
An important aspect of the chemically dependent role is emotional detachment from the spouse and the children. One consequence of this distancing is the abandonment of parental power. The power is often assumed by the non-dependent spouse and an older child. The ‘first love’ of the alcoholic or addict becomes the bottle or the drug. Over time, the self-administration of the substance becomes the central activity in this person’s life; family life diminishes in importance.

The Chief Enabler

The second role is often referred to as the ‘chief enabler,’ or simply the ‘enabler.’ Often, numerous enablers exist in the family; however, the chief enabler is usually the non-dependent spouse. Enabling, is a behaviour that inadvertently supports the addiction process by helping an alcoholic or addict avoid the natural consequences of irresponsible behaviour. Most addicts have at least one enabler in their lives, and many will have three, four, or more to keep them going.
From a family systems perspective, the chief enabler reduces tension in the family (i.e., maintains family balance) by ‘smoothing things over’ - that is, making things right. The enabler often faces a dilemma: If he/she (more often she) does not bail the alcoholic/addict out of a bad, sometimes dangerous situation (e.g., a drunk husband alone at a bar), the substance abuser could do serious harm to self or others. A wife of an alcoholic once told me that she knew she was enabling her husband by picking him up from their snow-covered yard, but she stated that she had no choice, since otherwise he would have frozen to death.
In many cases, the chief enabler is unaware that the enabling behaviour is contributing to the progression of the alcoholism or drug addiction. Enablers believe that they are simply being helpful, and acting to hold their families together. Though well-intended, their efforts often have destructive long-term consequences for their chemically dependent spouses.

The Family Hero

The role of the ‘family hero’ is usually adopted by the oldest child. This role is also referred to as the ‘parental child,’ the ‘superstar,’ and the ‘goody two shoes’. This child attempts to do everything right. He/she is the family’s high achiever, and as such appears quite ambitious and responsible. Given the family circumstances (i.e., a chemically dependent parent), the child is often admired for excelling under difficult conditions.
The family hero often takes on parental responsibilities that the chemically dependent parent gave up. He/she provides care for younger siblings by cooking for them, getting them ready for school, putting them to bed, doing laundry, and so on. The non-dependent spouse (i.e., the chief enabler) usually does not have much time for these chores because his/her time is divided between working and caring for the alcoholic or addicted spouse.
Family heroes frequently do well in academic and athletic pursuits. They may be class presidents, honour students, or the like. They are achievement-oriented and frequently develop well-respected professional careers. Deutsch suggests that many of them later become ‘workaholics.’ Some researchers even claim that family heroes are prone to ‘Type A’ behaviour as adults. This is a behaviour pattern characterised by competitiveness, hostility, time urgency, and an obsession with work, among other features. Such individuals may be susceptible to stress-related disease (e.g., stomach ulcer, coronary heart disease).
The family hero reduces tension in the family simply by doing everything ‘right’. The hero is the source of pride for the family, inspiring desperately needed hope and giving the family something to feel good about. The hero’s accomplishments are distinctions around which the family read more